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Are You Headed for a Disaster?
Many women marry the man of
their dreams, only to find that he's a living nightmare with a
violent temper and an abusive streak.
When starting a new
relationship, don't be so starry-eyed that you fail to recognize
the obvious traits of an abusive personality. Remember that you
don't have to become black and blue to be abused. If you answer
"yes" to the majority of questions below, turn to a
counselor for help before the relationship turns on you.
- He has a family
history of abuse--he was physically or psychologically
abused as a child, or his mother was battered by his
father.
- He has a violent
streak or temper that's out of proportion to the incident
in question.
- He is basically
contemptuous of women.
- He has a fetish for
guns or other weapons, and claims he keeps them around to
protect himself from others.
- He uses drugs.
- He commits acts of
violence against objects and things rather than people.
- He drinks excessively.
- He displays unusual
jealousy and possessiveness when you're not with him.
- He questions you about
time spent away from him.
- He becomes enraged
when you don't listen to his advice.
- He has a dual
personality. One minute he's cruel and critical; the next
minute he's kind and loving.
- His emotions are in
overdrive. When he's angry, he's a madman who's consumed
by rage. When he's in a loving mood, he lavishes you with
candy, flowers and gifts.
- His anger so frightens
you that you try hard not to make him angry.
- He considers himself a
macho man.
- You sense that you're
being treated abusively.
- He's not above pushing
or shoving you around when he's angry.
- He's rough during
lovemaking, or has physically forced himself on you when
you weren't really in the mood.
- He's extremely
critical of you.
- He demands to know
where you are at every waking moment.
- He's had a string of
unsuccessful relationships or marriages.
- He has very low self-esteem.
- He believes all the
myths about battering.
- He holds traditional
family values and feels that women are the "weaker"
sex.
- He believes in male
supremacy and stereotypical masculine sex role in the
family.
- He is bisexual.
- He doesn't believe his
violent behavior should have negative consequences.
- He has an unusual
relationship with his mother, which borders on love-hate.
- Most people think he's
a real charmer.
- He tries to control
your life--what you do, who you see, and what you think.
- He frequently uses
violent language and calls you obscene names.
If you answered "yes"
to five or more of the above questions, you may be in over your
head--a victim or soon-to-be-victim of battering. While these
tendencies are certainly not definite signs that a man is a
batterer, they indicate that he has the potential to become one.
Don't take chances with your life and health. Get help now and
avoid getting caught in the vicious CYCLE OF ABUSE.
